Monday 3 December 2012

Press release: Imperator Fish

Blogger welcomes Lawful Evil runner-up award

Imperator Fish blogger Scott Yorke is pleased with his ranking as runner up in the Lawful Evil category in the Tumeke NZ Blogger Alignment Awards 2012.

While disappointed to be beaten to the supreme award by Kiwiblog’s David Farrar, Mr Yorke said he was delighted to be rated so highly by the award’s judges.

“I put a lot of effort into being evil this year,” said Mr Yorke. “Second is a pretty good effort, considering the fierce competition I was up against, and it gives me something to focus on for next year.”

Mr Yorke admitted he did not really know what Lawful Evil meant.

“I understand it has something to do with roleplaying, but I’m too intimidated by the thought of having to trawl through Dungeons and Dragons websites to find out,” said Mr Yorke.

“I like the ‘evil’ bit of the award though. I’ve been really focusing on expanding my range of evil posts this year. And it’s seen my blog readership grow steadily to the point where last month Imperator Fish was the tenth most read political blog in the country, according to Open Parachute’s blog rankings. I’m actually number 19 on the official list, but ahead of me are a bunch of blogs about craft and religion, and surely they don’t count.

“Those blog rankings perhaps represent my most evil achievement of the year. I don’t have a great deal of time for blog ranking systems, but it was an easy decision to add myself to the Open Parachute list once I realised it would turn Giovanni Tiso purple with rage.”

Mr Yorke said that, although he was delighted with the award, the reasons given by the judges were somewhat puzzling.

“I feel a bit of a fraud, actually. I’m not entirely sure how pricking the inflated ego of another blogger would ever count as evil, unless for argument’s sake that inflated ego belonged to someone beyond all reproach, like Nelson Mandela or Jesus Christ.

“But on reflection, my actions in posting someone else’s personal details on my blog were pretty despicable. And by ‘posting’ I don’t mean including a person’s mobile number in the body of a blogpost. No, it’s worse than that! I actually included in a blogpost a link to another website! A website that was already very much in the public domain, judging by the vast number of hits that were being directed from it to my own site; a website which unnoticed by me had on the bottom of one of its pages a phone number that happened to belong to the aggrieved blogger in question.

“But then it gets worse! Not only did I only post the link to make it clear I had nothing to do with the website, but I also disabled the link when the blogger in question complained I was ‘publishing’ his details.

“Truly this series of events makes me a remorselessly evil piece of work. I’m only one small step away from drowning kittens for a hobby.”

Colleagues of Mr Yorke said they were pleased with the award, and they hoped to see more success for the evil blogger.

“This is well deserved” said Yorke’s mentor and special life companion Cameron Slater. “I have spent years building up a formidable reputation as a character assassin, but what Scott did made even me want to vomit. He gave us all a masterclass in depraved evil.”

Dr Bryce Edwards, whose Political Round-up column in the New Zealand Herald regularly refers to Yorke’s blog, said it was pleasing to see some reward coming from his collaboration with the blogger.

“Scott and I talk all the time about how we can get more and more Imperator Fish blogposts into the news. It’s an arrangement which has proven fruitful for both of us. He pays me handsomely for every Imperator Fish post I refer to in my column, but he pays me even more to omit posts from the Tumeke blog.

“Scott’s generosity has allowed me to live a lifestyle travelling all the great cities of Europe and staying in all the finest hotels. I’m so glad for him, but next year we’re gunning for number one.”

Mr Yorke said he had big plans for his blog, and would be aiming for the top Lawful Evil spot in 2013.

“Of course, that will depend on whether the people behind the Tumeke blog run the awards in 2013, or are too busy on other things. I can only imagine how hard it must be to juggle the operations of an award-winning blog with the day to day demands of a thriving real estate practice.”