Chaos as Thatcher tributes cause flooding

Authorities are pleading for calm, after tributes began pouring in following the death of former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher.

A Civil Defence spokesperson, Dr Neska Punjipatama, said that the rising tide of tributes was expected to peak shortly after 6:00 pm this evening.

“We are monitoring levels closely”, said Dr Punjipatama. “We are particularly concerned about the risk of inundation at a number of sites in the Wellington and Auckland CBDs.”

She said the situation could worsen considerably if another important person died within the next few hours.

The rising flood is threatening the offices of Newstalk ZB in Auckland. By mid-morning tributes were pouring uncontrollably into the building’s basement carpark.

The Auckland offices of the New Zealand Herald and TVNZ are also under threat, after rivers of tears wept by conservatives over the death of their great heroine threatened to break their banks and overwhelm Auckland’s fragile media infrastructure.

A number of other incidents have been reported across the country in response to Thatcher’s death.

A man in Central Wellington disrupted traffic for a short time this morning, after lying down in the centre of Featherston Street and refusing to move.

The man, a well-known conservative blogger and media commentator, was earlier seen stumbling down Lambton Quay half-naked, wailing and tearing at his clothes, and crying “Oh Maggie! Oh Maggie!” in a forlorn voice devoid of hope.

Meanwhile, in the Auckland suburb of Grey Lynn a mild tremor was felt just after 8:00 am, as thousands of people awoke to news of Thatcher’s death and began leaping up and down in joy.

Their joy was soon turned to horror, however, as they realised that Labour Party leader David Shearer would soon be asked what he thought of Margaret Thatcher.

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