GCSB leak enquiry announced

An enquiry is to be held to determine who is responsible for a leak from the offices of the GCSB.

The leak has caused embarrassment and dismay within government and security circles, with one insider saying it made New Zealand look like “the village idiots of the intelligence world”.

The leak occurred last week, after someone in the office left a basin tap on in the upstairs bathroom.

Jasmine from HR said that someone had left tissue paper in the basin, and the resulting flood had led to water leaking into the downstairs offices.

“It was a real mess,” said Jasmine. “We all suspect Greg from Level 3 is the culprit, because he’s such a dopey prick, and it’s just the sort of dumb thing Greg would do.”

In announcing the enquiry Prime Minister John Key said it was too early to determine whether Greg was to blame.

“We will let the official enquiry run its course, though it wouldn’t surprise me if it was Greg. I’ve been told he’s as thick as batshit.”

The enquiry’s terms of reference are:

  • to determine if Greg left the tap on
  • if it was Greg, to make recommendations on what to do with the dumb prick
  • whether better oversight of Greg’s bathroom activities could have prevented the leak from occurring
  • whether the GCSB has been following plumbing best practice.

The enquiry will be headed by Dame Margaret Bazley and Paula Rebstock, will have a budget of $800,000, and will take approximately three months to complete.