A day in the life of Judith Collins

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8:13 am

I don’t like the MMP review. The review by the Electoral Commission was well-written and considered a lot of complex issues, but I just don’t like it. Maybe it’s their choice of font, or the paper they used.

No, I can’t put my finger on the exact issue preventing me from implementing the independent body’s recommendations, some of which run counter to my party’s short term interests.

10:46 am

I don’t like this David Bain business. I don’t have a clue whether Bain’s guilty or innocent, but I don’t like the man or his legal team, because of all the bother they’re causing, and I certainly don’t like that noisy Canadian judge. Why can’t Bain just move on with his life?

Oh God, I have to make a decision soon on his compensation bid, and I don’t want to be remembered as the justice minister who gave Bain a multi-million dollar pay-out. Why can’t he just go away?

I tried to settle this quietly by offering Bain a job, but he just wasn’t interested in the Families Commission role. How can anyone deal with such people?

12:37 pm

I don’t like this John Grisham book. He’s always finding corruption and conspiracies among lawyers, politicians and businesspeople. What a horrible man. I tore it up.

The woman behind the counter at Whitcoulls looked at me oddly. “Are you going to pay for that?” she asked me sternly as she proceeded to pick the remnants of the torn-up book off the shop floor. “You expect me to pay for such rubbish?” I snorted.

The cheek of some people!

1:16 pm

I am going to get an independent QC to review John Grisham’s book. I expect he or she will confirm my initial view that it’s rubbish and will need to be completely rewritten. If not I will be forced to appoint another QC to review the first QC’s review.

This could all have been avoided if Paula Rebstock had just agreed to rewrite the book, but she’s a massive Grisham fan. Tragic, really.3:38 pmJust had coffee with Robert Fisher, QC. He estimates a review of the book will take five weeks and cost approximately $180,000. I’ll have to get Cabinet sign-off, but it’s money well spent. What price justice?

4:28 pm

I don’t like these cabinet papers. Steven’s trying to look busy again, no doubt with an eye on the main prize. John’s looking increasingly tired and worn out by it all, but if he steps down now all will be lost. I have worked too hard to see someone else take the party’s leadership, but what can I do while Steven and his allies reign supreme? Fight dirty? But how? Oh, if only I knew how.

What I need is a willing attack blogger and newspaper editor on my side, but who? Who?

5:14 pm

I don’t like this candidate list provided to me by the State Services Commission. These people may all claim to be at the very top of their field, but how can they be if I don’t know any of them personally?

I asked my assistant to help compile a new candidate list to send to the Commission, using the most up-to-date and reliable information available. “Start with the latest Woman’s Weekly” I told her.

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