Is Len Brown planning to blot out the sun?

An artist’s impression of what the Auckland city skyline could look
 like under the Unitary Plan 
Community and heritage groups are predicting a time of darkness, plagues of boils, and rivers flowing with blood, unless the Auckland Council makes substantial changes to its draft Unitary Plan.

The Auckland Unitary Plan will allow developers to construct enormous multi-storey apartment blocks in some suburban areas, and the planned relaxation of height restrictions has led some groups to question the Auckland Council’s real motivation behind the plan.

A spokesperson for the Save the Sun Coalition said Len Brown’s ultimate plan was to obliterate the sun.

“The plan seems deliberately designed to ensure that as many residents as possible are left living in the shadows of monstrous apartment buildings”, said David Dinglefeather.

“It’s almost as if the Mayor is trying to get people accustomed to the idea of not having the sun around. We believe the Auckland Unitary Plan is just a warm-up for the main act.

“First they’ll take the light from one side of your house by erecting a huge ugly tower block next door, and before you know it Len Brown will be building a giant nuclear warhead aimed at the sun.”

The Save the Sun Coalition rejects criticism that the group is scaremongering.

“Some people have criticised us for saying that Len Brown wants to blot out the sun for all eternity, so as to bring to pass an unholy reign of terror during which all the unspeakable horrors of night would be unleashed upon the earnest and law-abiding ratepayers of the greater Auckland region, and in which foul vampiric creatures would rise from graves permeated by the filth and corruption of ages long past; a time of darkness and plagues of boils in which the rivers run red with the blood of babies; a time of misery that can only be brought to an end through the installation of a Citizens and Ratepayers-controlled council.

“No doubt Len Brown will deny what the real agenda is. But if Len Brown has nothing to hide, why hasn’t he made public his nuclear warhead plans? Where are the plans? Why won’t he release them?”

The Unitary Plan will allow the construction of multi-level
towers in some parts of Auckland.

Other ordinary and decent middle-class people are appalled at the implications of the Unitary Plan.

Takapuna man Phil Heathcliffe said he was deeply concerned about the potential effects of the Unitary Plan on his local neighbourhood.

“What if my neighbour decides to build a seventeen-floor apartment block next door? I wouldn’t be able to do a thing to stop it”, said Mr Heathcliffe.

“I’ve always believed that our planning laws are too restrictive, and that the Resource Management Act allows annoying busybodies to poke their noses into other people’s affairs.

“But this is different. A man’s home is his castle. A man should be allowed to do whatever he wants on his own property, unless it’s the property next door to my own.”