Imperator Fish Nation: For the love of God, Bill must go

I have decided to follow in the footsteps of Stuff Nation. If you have something to share, and if you are a bit sad or mad, I would love to hear from you! 

Submit your article to imperatorfish@yorke.co.nz, and I’ll publish it, or I won’t!

Nan from Temuka writes:

Over 1000 lightning strikes have hit the country today, and only a week after Finance Minister Bill English delivered the 2013 Budget.

It’s pretty obvious, at least to anyone who hasn’t let their head get all muddled with science, that God is displeased. It’s also perfectly clear who the target of His displeasure is, unless you happen to be one of those credulous fools who thinks important government announcements have little affect on God’s climatic activities. If you are one of those people then you probably think the timing is just a coincidence, and I can already picture the Tui billboard, so excuse me while I fall over laughing. Seriously?

If God is furious with Bill English, then we’re all in trouble, and we’re all at risk of becoming collateral damage as He takes his displeasure out on our government.

That’s why Bill English must resign immediately. Our only hope is for the Finance Minister to step down. Will it be enough to satisfy God? Who can say? I hope so.

God, if you are listening to me, I’d just like to remind you that I never voted for this clown or any of his mates. I would be most grateful if you could spare my house and family, but just in case you forget who I am I’ll stick a red flag on my roof, as well as beer, because I bet hardly anyone leaves booze out for you. I would prefer not to offer up one of my infant children in sacrifice, but I’ll do whatever it takes to protect (the rest of) my family from your divine fury.

Oh Lord, I know you are a merciful and just god, all those horror storms and earthquakes and wars and diseases and murders and car crashes and robberies and stabbings aside, so please hear my prayer. Spare me and my family, but smite all those National Party people who got us into this mess. And while you are at it please, please silence Daniel Bedingfield once and for all.

Nan

Do you have an interesting story to tell about God, or cats, or your favourite toilet-roll holder? Were you once abducted by aliens who stole your virginity and emptied out your bank accounts? Submit your article to imperatorfish@yorke.co.nz, and you might end up having your story published.

More details here.

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