| Alternative hobbies such as stamp-collecting and line-dancing (pictured above) can now be put off until at least 2017 |
A number of bloggers and commentators are breathing more easily this week, after concerns about the performance of the main opposition political party were laid to rest.
Left-aligned bloggers had grown increasingly nervous about the prospects of a Labour-Greens government. A successful centre-left election result in 2014 would force many of them to reassess their role in the blogosphere.
However, the performance of various Labour Party MPs last week put those fears to rest, and reminded most people why a Labour-led government in 2014 remains a distant fantasy.
One blogger, who spoke on conditions of anonymity, said he had been afraid of a Labour-Greens victory for some time.
“The opinion polls have been getting closer and closer, to the point where a lot of people have been picking a victory for the centre-left in 2014,” said the blogger, who runs a satirical blogsite from a secret bunker situated deep in the dark and terrifying woods of West Auckland.
“I kept wondering what I would do if Labour won. What would I write about? It’s difficult to remain a pro-government blogger and retain any sort of credibility.
“A quick glance at National-aligned bloggers confirms this,” said the man. “They constantly run pro-government spin and ignore everything the government does that they don’t like. I can’t imagine ever doing that.
“It’s much easier to be a blogger when the party you support is in opposition, because your team doesn’t actually have to do anything, other than give speeches, in-fight, and issue misguided press releases.”
The blogger said he felt a sense of reassurance after the last week’s events.
“I realised I had nothing to worry about after those MPs were caught wining and dining at the expense of Sky City,” said the blogger.
“The inability of the most senior Labour MPs to appreciate the foolishness of accepting Sky City’s hospitality was matched only by the inability of those MPs or their leader for several days to provide a coherent explanation for their behaviour, or even a mea culpa.
“I have heard some people compare Labour’s Sky City damage-control strategy to chickens running around with their heads cut off.
“But that’s not strictly accurate,” said the man. “Headless chickens eventually stop running.”
The blogger pointed to other recent Labour blunders.
“Confirming the narrative of a bewildered leadership and a strategically bereft party, a number of Labour MPs fired missiles at John Key in Parliament and in the media over his handling of the Peter Dunne matter, unaware that those missiles were in fact boomerangs.
“Demanding that leakers be investigated by the police is fine, unless you’re the party in opposition and want to be able to rely on future leaks to embarrass the government.
“But it’s not all bad news. I now look forward to continuing my blogging uninterrupted until at least 2017.”
The blogger admitted that Labour’s blundering was bad news for people who wanted progressive political leadership.
“It’s especially galling for those Labour MPs and activists working really hard to make a difference,” said the man.
“But their pain is my joy, because now I won’t have to find another hobby.”
Imperator Fish 