Today is an important day. It is the day of the Ikaroa-Rāwhiti by-election, and until 7:00 pm the people of that electorate will be able to exercise their democratic freedoms and vote for who they want for their next MP.

Our election day rules mean that I can’t call on people to vote for any particular person, so all I can really say is “get out there and vote, people!” Except, no, that’s probably risking it too. I won’t say that. What if a high turnout is seen to favour a particular party over another? So please, don’t vote if you don’t want to. Although now I think about it, telling people not to vote may still end up getting me in trouble.

Look, just do whatever the hell you want to do. I’m not your king. Actually, am I even allowed to say that? Does any party have a particular position on the monarchy? Could mentioning a monarch be construed as a tacit endorsement of a particular candidate?

Just forget what I wrote above. Just forget about the whole thing.

Wait, I did it again! Here I am, a white guy, telling the voters in a Maori electorate what to do. Could this make some Maori voters angry with me and my race? Might that lead to one party being favoured over another? What if someone reading this post is influenced to change their vote?

Oh, man, I’ve really f**ked this post up, haven’t I?