I was once a solo mum struggling to survive, trying hard to make ends meet and support a family. It was touch and go at times, but the government helped me, trained me, and allowed me to make something of myself.
Some people accuse me of not caring about the plight of the poor, the frail, or the deprived. They say I lack compassion and have forgotten all about the help I got given when I was in the same position.
Well I have a message for all those people. I didn’t forget about all the help I got given when I was struggling. Yes, I remember well the assistance I got, the same assistance I am busy taking away from others.
You see, people have got me all wrong. They accuse me of having a bad memory when in fact my ability to recall the past is excellent. What I don’t have is empathy. It’s my only failing, apart from a taste for leopard print and that whole breach of privacy thing I’ve got going on.
Look, it’s another poll.
I love it when the political polls come out. If we get a good one I know my job is safe for a while longer, and if we get a bad one John rings me up and says “do something, Paula!”
And then I get to play my favourite game. Think Whack-a-mole, except where the moles don’t pop up again, but instead slide back into their hole and fester in their own drug and alcohol infested misery.
I believe in taking a stick and carrot approach to welfare reform. I have taken all the carrots, and if anyone tries to take them from me I will smash them with my stick until they are bleeding from both eyes and ears.
I haven’t forgotten my roots. I’m a hard-working authentic Westie who’s all about attitude and giving it heaps. They love me here in West Auckland. Every time I walk through the streets of Henderson I have to fend off the mobs of people screaming and trying to grab at me. This must be what it was like to be a Beatle.
A quick trip to the doctor for my annual health check-up. It’s so important as you get older to look after your health.
These Cabinet papers are hard work. Why do they have to make the font so small? I’ve been staring at them for hours now, and I can’t make sense of any of them. I don’t see why government has to be this complicated. Just give the punters what they want and they’ll keep you in power. Right now they love it when I get the whip out and lash a few beneficiaries. Every time they do a poll on welfare the overwhelming response is that we’re too soft on those lazy bludgers.
I remember when I was young and on welfare how horrible it was being judged by people more fortunate than me. They told themselves that they had got where they were through hard work and application, even though in most cases it was plain good luck that they had escaped a life of poverty. God, I hated those people!
And now I am those people. People often ask me how I can sleep at night, but it turns out that when you earn a fat ministerial salary you can buy a very comfortable bed.