A new electorate, new electorate names, and a number of boundary changes, feature in the Representation Commission’s review of proposed electorate boundaries released today.

The changes will result in the establishment of a new electorate in Auckland’s upper harbour area, straddling Massey, Hobsonville, and parts of the North Shore. The new electorate will be called Jerusalem.

West Auckland sees some of the biggest boundary changes, with the Waitakere electorate disappearing altogether. Unfortunately, the Boundaries Commission did not have the legal authority to make Waitakere’s MP, Paula Bennett, disappear.

The Representation Commission began its review of electorate boundaries after the last census was completed. Its review involved a detailed analysis of population data, and extensive discussions with 3 News Political editor Patrick Gower.

“The revised boundaries reflect changes in our population,” said Commission chairperson Bernard Kendall, “as well as the need to keep things exciting for political journalists, and to give pundits and commentators a much needed break from their various Twitter feuds.”

The proposed boundary changes have been greeted with horror by one Te Atatu based commentator, who runs an obscure satirical website. They will result in his house being only a few hundred metres away from the Kelston electorate boundary.

“I don’t want those dirty Kelston people anywhere near me,” said the man. “They’re taking over the neighbourhood. It’s bad enough that some people mistakenly think I live in Glendene, and now this happens.

“I’m not a bigot. I just don’t see why Kelston should be allowed to get away with ruining perfectly respectable Te Atatu neighbourhoods.”

The man said he would be forced to pull his children out of their much-loved school, as it would now fall within the Kelston electorate.

“My grandparents fought a world war to protect us from tyranny. Shame on the Boundaries Commission. Where is the justice? Where is their humanity?”

Highlights of the boundary review

• A new electorate, Jerusalem, to be created in Auckland’s upper harbour area. Colin Craig to pray for the godless heathens in Massey, who will soon be part of that electorate.
• The Waitakere electorate to disappear.
• A new electorate, Kelston, to be created in West Auckland. Residents of adjacent Te Atatu to erect huge fences along the boundary.
• Epsom still to have the worst MP in Parliament.
• Damn you, Kelston!