Uncle Ernie returns with a devastating critique of modern life

Isn’t it time that young people either grew up or went away?

Award-winning writers aside, what is the obsession with award-winning New Zealand writers?

If people spent less time on Twitter and Facebook and more time actually working, would this column manage to make any sense?

Why can’t we go back to the 1950s?

Is there any societal problem that a stern flogging wouldn’t deal to?

Do you remember all those people who said that the internet would be the next big thing?

What is this obsession with the horseless carriage?

Cappuccino? Macchiato? Flat White? Soy? Trim? Why can’t I just get a cup of Nescafe with a bit of milk?

Why does everyone on the left hate our freedoms, and isn’t it time we started to arrest these people?

What is it with women these days?

If global warming is real, why do I still get cold in the winter?

Should people whose lifestyles I disapprove of be locked up, or merely beaten?

Why are the avocados I buy at the supermarket either too hard to too soft, and is Radio New Zealand to blame?

Isn’t it time we went back to the gold standard?

Where did I leave my false teeth?

Would we be a better and more prosperous nation if we were all made to eat potatoes with every meal?

Woman drivers?

Remember back in the day when “gay” meant happy?

Why are so many people using the blogosphere to impotently let off steam, when they could be writing deranged newspaper columns instead?

When the hell are you going to get off my damn lawn?