I understand that a number of people may have misunderstood something I said on the radio today. I would like to put the record straight, and to explain what I meant when I questioned whether the moon landings had actually occurred.
As I say, I would like to do this. Unfortunately, I have studied neither electronics nor computing, so I cannot be certain that this statement I am about to email to the news media will reach its destination. I understand that the sending of messages from one computer to the other often requires the use of electricity, and I cannot really be certain that the electricity my computer uses is safe or trustworthy. Who knows what plans it has for me? The electricity in my computer may even be working for some sinister agency intent on enslaving the human population, and imposing upon us a licentious regime of filth, depravity, and unisex toilets.
I’m not saying that the electricity living in my computer is evil. I just haven’t looked into the matter.
If this statement does reach the news media, then hopefully the people of New Zealand will get a chance to learn a few things about the real Colin Craig. The man who isn’t afraid to admit he doesn’t know everything. Such as, is gravity real? Maybe. Or maybe it’s just a coincidence that whenever I let go of something it always falls to the ground. Or could it be that the stuff being sprayed out of airplanes is contributing to this so-called gravity phenomenon? Look, I’m no physicist, but I’m not afraid to ask the hard questions.
Except… well, am I even asking these questions? What can I really be certain of, apart from my own existence? Or is even that a fiction? I could be dreaming this entire course of events. Perhaps I never went on the radio to question the moon landings (I certainly wish I hadn’t!), and perhaps I’m not even Colin Craig. What if I’m actually a Benedictine monk living in ninth century Germany, who decided to try the funny looking mushrooms he found in the woods near his monastery, and suddenly he’s imagining himself as a politician in a country that hasn’t even been discovered yet?
It’s odd, because I’m not a huge fan of mushrooms, unless they’re completely smothered in garlic. But maybe as a ninth century German monk I absolutely love them. It’s all very confusing.
Or what if I’m not a ninth century monk at all? What if in reality I’m a chicken? Or a tree? Or a promiscuous homosexual man?
I may not know who or what I am, but I know I exist. I must exist! Cogito ergo sum, and all that. I’m also convinced that Jesus is real, although I don’t know why I feel so strongly about the man. Unless of course… Could I…? No, surely not. Me?
I’m not saying I’m Jesus, although I’m not saying I’m not. But if I am Jesus then that would mean I’m right about everything, which would make me the perfect person to be in Parliament (assuming Parliament actually exists and that the sittings of the House I see on TV aren’t merely elaborately staged fictions).
And if I’m not Jesus, then neither are any of my political opponents. Assuming they exist and are not figments of my imagination.
All this is to say that the moon landings may or may not have happened. But it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that I’m being up-front and honest with the people of New Zealand about what I know and what I don’t know. Or alternatively I’m merely dreaming that I am.
I could be dreaming this whole statement up. It’s probably not even me writing it.
This metaphysics business is jolly confusing stuff!