A statement from Colin Craig

I understand that a number of people may have misunderstood something I said on the radio today. I would like to put the record straight, and to explain what I meant when I questioned whether the moon landings had actually occurred.

As I say, I would like to do this. Unfortunately, I have studied neither electronics nor computing, so I cannot be certain that this statement I am about to email to the news media will reach its destination. I understand that the sending of messages from one computer to the other often requires the use of electricity, and I cannot really be certain that the electricity my computer uses is safe or trustworthy. Who knows what plans it has for me? The electricity in my computer may even be working for some sinister agency intent on enslaving the human population, and imposing upon us a licentious regime of filth, depravity, and unisex toilets.

I’m not saying that the electricity living in my computer is evil. I just haven’t looked into the matter.

If this statement does reach the news media, then hopefully the people of New Zealand will get a chance to learn a few things about the real Colin Craig. The man who isn’t afraid to admit he doesn’t know everything. Such as, is gravity real? Maybe. Or maybe it’s just a coincidence that whenever I let go of something it always falls to the ground. Or could it be that the stuff being sprayed out of airplanes is contributing to this so-called gravity phenomenon? Look, I’m no physicist, but I’m not afraid to ask the hard questions.

Except… well, am I even asking these questions? What can I really be certain of, apart from my own existence? Or is even that a fiction? I could be dreaming this entire course of events. Perhaps I never went on the radio to question the moon landings (I certainly wish I hadn’t!), and perhaps I’m not even Colin Craig. What if I’m actually a Benedictine monk living in ninth century Germany, who decided to try the funny looking mushrooms he found in the woods near his monastery, and suddenly he’s imagining himself as a politician in a country that hasn’t even been discovered yet?

It’s odd, because I’m not a huge fan of mushrooms, unless they’re completely smothered in garlic. But maybe as a ninth century German monk I absolutely love them. It’s all very confusing.

Or what if I’m not a ninth century monk at all? What if in reality I’m a chicken? Or a tree? Or a promiscuous homosexual man?

I may not know who or what I am, but I know I exist. I must exist! Cogito ergo sum, and all that. I’m also convinced that Jesus is real, although I don’t know why I feel so strongly about the man. Unless of course… Could I…? No, surely not. Me?

I’m not saying I’m Jesus, although I’m not saying I’m not. But if I am Jesus then that would mean I’m right about everything, which would make me the perfect person to be in Parliament (assuming Parliament actually exists and that the sittings of the House I see on TV aren’t merely elaborately staged fictions).

And if I’m not Jesus, then neither are any of my political opponents. Assuming they exist and are not figments of my imagination.

All this is to say that the moon landings may or may not have happened. But it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that I’m being up-front and honest with the people of New Zealand about what I know and what I don’t know. Or alternatively I’m merely dreaming that I am.

I could be dreaming this whole statement up. It’s probably not even me writing it.

This metaphysics business is jolly confusing stuff!


5 thoughts on “A statement from Colin Craig

  1. Can anyone confirm whether Colin Craig is a member of the flat earth society? Do the stars and the moon really exist, or are they just tiny shinny bright spots in the night? How do we know that the astronauts didn’t exit the rocket before take off, via a side-door, therefore making the whole take-off process a whole hoax? As only what is written in the bible is “real”, how can we trust what was written between when the last Gospel was written, and when Colin Craig first walked upon the land?

  2. There is a seriously paranoid subculture within Christianity that rejects science and embraces conspiracy theories in order to support a naive literal reading of the book of Genesis wherein the Earth is only 6000 years old, Noah’s Flood was a global deluge, and man walked with dinosaurs. No wonder Colin Craig is confused about climate change, chemtrails and whatnot.

    Young-Earth creationists actually embrace a philosophy that says nothing can be known about the world around us.

    Appearances and measurements lie. Trees lie. Carbon lies. Bones lie. The stars in the heavens lie. And nothing at all can be trusted from what we deceive ourselves into imagining we’re learning from observation, study, experiment and measurement.

    Their claim is even more audacious than that. It has to be. They want to say that they’re only disputing the honesty of “science,” but if that were the case, then we could easily test their claim by, say, switching on the light or looking at this page on the Internet. Science seems to work. And thus the epistemological anarchists of young-Earth creationism cannot simply be asserting the unreliability of science, they must also assert the unreliability of seeming. If a universe that seems ancient is not ancient, then both the universe and our seeming must be lying. Nothing we think we see, hear, touch or measure can be trusted. Nothing can be known.[…]

    These folks are demonstrably untrustworthy when it comes to their claims about the universe. It seems unwise, then, to regard them as wholly trustworthy when it comes to their claims about the Bible. It seems far likelier that their approach to the Bible is as reliable, thoughtful and defensible as their approach to the universe is — which is to say not at all.

  3. Pingback: No wonder Colin Craig is confused | earth is my favourite planet

  4. Mr Craig is a bit ambivalent about Evolution because it may interfere with his belief that the world is only 6,000 years old. He can’t actually denounce Evolution in case people (quite wrongly) thought of him as being “unfit for purpose as” a Minister of the Crown.
    A tough test of faith I think.

  5. Science, Colin, science. It really is quite a cool thing, although apparently less and less popular in schools. I’d guess because of parents not kids…kids love learning stuff, until their parents tell them which truth they musn’t learn. I can quite believe that you don’t know how gravity works…but you question whether it exists, and that’s quite different. We have predictive rules about how it will behave in certain conditions, that’s a scientific clue that it exists. It’s not a ‘so-called gravity phenomenon’, and they are not ‘hard questions’. That you think they are indicates either stupidity or subterfuge, and I don’t think you are stupid. The evidence for gravity is greater than the evidence for Jesus, really…really it is, we can predict repeatable events and measure velocity and stuff…we can’t even find Jesus outside of your bible (forget Josephus…don’t go there, it’ll hurt you). That doesn’t mean Jesus didn’t exist, but it sure as heck means gravity does. And that does matter. It matters a lot. We don’t know that the sun will rise in the morning, do we (you’ve read Hume on inductive reasoning, right), but we rely on it. We now know that the measurable rules of the universe support our assumption, they don’t guarantee it but you can sleep soundly. Perhaps gravity will stop tomorrow, but there is no reason to think so. There is no reason to think that man did not land on the moon, there is no reason to think that gravity doesn’t exist, there is no reason to ascribe morality to electricity, there is no reason to think that unisex toilets would cause more harm than unbending religious beliefs have. Actually, most homes have unisex toilets…that causes what, apart from the occassional queue? To say you haven’t looked into the matter is ingenuous. You lie.You prevaricate. You dissemble. You have very firm and fixed beliefs that you know are not supported by science, nor by many New Zealanders. BUT, you want to be elected, so you hide the truth that you are an anti science, anti evolution, theocrat at heart. And you lie about that.

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