As we remember the ultimate price paid by so many of our brave boys during the Great War, let us also pause to consider what their sacrifice really meant.
For all our glorification of the war dead, we need to remember that the campaign at Gallipoli was a military defeat. A defeat our brave boys were involved in. A defeat that stains our national honour.
Turkey could have been knocked out of the war in 1915 if everything had gone as planned. If the Turks had folded meekly as they were meant to during the Dardanelles campaign, we would have been spared much of the carnage that followed.
It would be all too easy to blame the failure at Gallipoli on British incompetence. But the real villains were the perfidious Turks. Had the Turkish troops simply adhered to the stereotype of the day by running away at the first sound of gunfire, we would be celebrating a magnificent military victory rather than a tragic and pointless waste of life.
As a proud and loyal dominion of the British Empire, we owe a duty to Mother England to put things right. This Turkish wickedness cannot go unpunished. We cannot properly honour our war dead until Turkish villainy has been repaid in full. Repaid with Turkish blood! Let us on this Anzac Day demand justice for our dead.
And if the Turks will not listen, will not apologise, and will not pay massive reparations to the families of our dead, then they will only have themselves to blame when we burn their cities and enslave their women and children.
To arms, brothers and sisters! To arms! Who is with me? Are you? And you? Who will join with me in retaking Anzac Cove by force?
Wait, where are you going? There is work to be done and Turkish blood to be shed!
What? So what if Briscoes has a huge Anzac Day sale? Surely removing this dark stain from our history is of more consequence than the acquisition of half-price flannelette winter sheets.
Hang on a moment. I see they also have 60% off electric blankets.
Look, it’s been 99 years since this terrible wrong was done to us. What’s another year?