A statement from the New Zealand Taxpayers’ Union

Embed from Getty Images

The New Zealand Taxpayers’ Union is outraged at the scandalous behaviour of Auckland mayor Len Brown.

The people of Auckland deserve better than a mayor who spends public money discharging his bodily wastes.

Every time Len Brown goes to the toilet he is flushing away ratepayer money. Who pays for the water? The toilet paper our mayor uses? We do! Well not us, because we’re not even Auckland based, and we know as much about Auckland as we pretend to know about Dirty Politics.   But this is quite literally money down the drain.

Len Brown needs to front up and come clean. He owes the Auckland ratepayers answers to the following questions:

  • How much toilet paper has our profligate mayor been using? Surely a single sheet would suffice for most purposes. Better still, he should fund his own disgusting habits. If Len Brown wants to waste toilet paper he can pay for it himself.
  • Why on Earth would we allow that man to do anything involving his genitalia while he remains major? Look what he did last time we let him to do things involving his private parts. Will any attractive woman be safe from the depredations of this sexually rampant mayor if we allow him the luxury of a private moment in the toilet? Won’t the installation of this toilet only encourage Len Brown to think about doing things involving his penis?
  • If a toilet he must have, why must he also have a door? Shouldn’t all the mayor’s activities be subject to public scrutiny? Where’s the accountability? Why does Len Brown feel he has to sneak behind a door to go for a wee? What is he hiding? And why does he have pants? Does Len Brown have a secret penis?
  • Len Brown never campaigned on going to the toilet when he was running for office. So why does he now need a toilet? What has changed? Or has he been using council toilets all along? If so, why hasn’t he been keeping a record of his toilet visits?
  • Has Len Brown ever used a hotel toilet while mayor of Auckland, and if so, was it provided for free?
  • Something about Bevan Chuang. Why? Why?

The Auckland ratepayers are paying a heavy price for their mayor’s shameless toilet urges. Len Brown could choose to just hold on whenever he feels the urge to go to the bathroom, as there really is no need for someone in the public eye to even utilise a toilet. Being utterly full of excrement has never stopped any member of the New Zealand Taxpayers’ Union from making a valuable contribution to public life.