It’s good to see the government finally doing something about our country’s appalling health and safety record. But why has it taken so long?

It’s about time worm-farming was recognised as a killer occupation. Take it from me that those earthworms are vicious little bastards.  They’ll eat pretty much any form of organic material. That means fruit, vegetables, and even meat.

If you leave a newborn baby in a worm farm for a week, chances are that the slimy arseholes will try to eat it.

It’s disgraceful that we have allowed these worms to endanger our children for so long. What the hell has National been doing for the last seven years in government?

Part of the problem is that most earthworm-related injuries and fatalities go completely unreported. That’s because the authorities don’t even bother to keep a register of worm incidents. When was the last time you picked up the newspaper and read about a savage earthworm attack?

Maybe now things will change. Maybe now we will get some decent data showing just how savage these wild animals are.

It’s right that National now prioritises worm-farming over other sectors, such as dairy or cattle farming. Those sectors also have poor safety records, but dairy and cattle farmers are traditionally loyal supporters of the National Party. National needs the support of these people to stay in office and to pass legislation, and it would make no sense to piss them off by forcing them to comply with additional health and safety regulations. They would only turn on National, and then the much-needed crackdown against earthworms would be jeopardised. Labour had nine long years to deal with the worm issue, but what did Labour do? So don’t assume a Labour government would lift a finger to protect our babies against this slithering horror.

Dairy and cattle farm workers will continue to die or be injured in accidents under this government, because National care more about the worm threat. And who can blame them?