Right thinking: All Black’s gesture a terror ploy

frankAward-winning columnist Dr. Frank Shizenhausen returns, and he’s feeling much better, thank you for asking.

Sonny Bill Williams made a massive contribution to the All Blacks victory on Sunday. But it is what he did after the game that left people stunned.

Footage of the incident shows a young boy running onto the field, only to be tacked by a security guard. The All Black then helps the boy up, and gives him his victory medal.

On the face of it SBW’s gesture seems an incredible one. Why would he give away something so precious to him?

It’s possible that SBW is just a great guy with a big heart. But this seems hard to believe. He can’t be. He’s a Muslim. I’ve seen Homeland and I know what these people are capable of. It’s the sleepers you need to watch the most. Incidentally, I  hope our spy agencies are planning to bug the phones of all our returning All Black heroes, just to be on the safe side. Especially Dan Carter. He seems too perfect to be legit.

So what was really going on? Here are some possibilities.


SBW’s a Muslim, so there has to be a terrorism angle to this story. Perhaps the kid was a suicide bomber making a dash for Prince Harry, only to be foiled by the heroic efforts of a security guard.

I’m guessing that SBW (who would have been in on the whole thing, because, you know, Islam or something) stepped in before the guard discovered the killer kid was a walking bomb. The medal giveaway was just a big distraction to give the juvenile Jihadi a chance to get away. This also explains why SBW told the media he thought the boy was seven or eight years old, even though the kid was in fact twice that age. The liar was trying to protect a would-be murderer.

The other possibility is that SBW has already planned his martyrdom. This would explain why he gave his medal away. He probably figures he’ll have no use for trinkets in the afterlife.

Either way it’s terrorism.

Publicity stunt, then terrorism

The other possibility is that it was a stunt and SBW planned the whole thing. They’ve now given him a second medal to replace the one he gave away, which of course would have been exactly as he planned. But what if his giving the medal away was all just a scam? I’ll bet you anything he got the medal back from the kid afterwards, and the whole thing probably only cost him a couple of hundred bucks in return for the boy’s silence.

So now he has two medals, one of which he’ll probably sell for thousands of dollars in order to fund Islamic State’s global activities or something.

It’s just despicable.

More terrorism

I can’t get over the fact that a Muslim man appears to have done something kind.

Remember how he also tried to give his finals tickets away to some Syrian refugees? That behaviour was also deeply suspicious.

Perhaps it’s all part of a plan to lift SBW’s social media profile. He may be hoping to earn a few thousand more Twitter followers through these apparent acts of kindness, before switching that account over to the publication of pro-ISIS propaganda.

Pretty soon he’ll be linking to ISIS execution videos from his Twitter account, and your kids will be watching them. You’ve been warned.

Genuine kindness, but still potential for terrorism

The other possibility is that SBW is just a great guy.

But that doesn’t make this act of kindness acceptable. Far from it. His generosity will only encourage more people to run onto sporting pitches. And what if the next runner is wielding a knife, or worse, a terror bomb?

When that boy ran onto the Twickenham pitch, the spirits of just about every terrorist in the world would have lifted.

So, yeah, it’s pretty much terrorism whichever way you look at it.