Above: David Pocock was always a much bigger threat to New Zealand

The SIS and GCSB have compiled a list of the top six threats to New Zealand.

If you’d asked me a couple of months ago what the top six threats were, I’d have ranked them as follows:

1. Australia (especially the back row pairing of Hooper and Pocock)
2. South Africa (always tough to beat in a World Cup)
3. England (a powerful forward pack that would rumble it up all day, or so we thought. Not so much powerful as powderpuffs, it turned out)
4. France (our World Cup bogey team in the past)
5. Ireland (maybe this was going to be their year. It wasn’t)
6. Argentina (never easy to beat).

As it turned out, we didn’t have anything to worry about, so it seems we really aren’t under any external threat at all.

This is the best argument I can muster as to why we should immediately abolish the SIS and GCSB.

But before we disestablish these spy agencies we should ask to see their list of the top six internal threats to New Zealand. There is bound to be a list. Anyway, these are mine:

1. Cameron Slater
2. Mike Hosking
3. This space to be left open so I can insert your name if you ever write anything mean about me
4. Our compliant MSM (wake up, sheeple!)
5. People who use the word “Twitterati” to describe others
6. The Twitterati.

Who/what did you have on your list?