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Above: street performers come out in force to celebrate the signing of the TPP, turning Auckland’s CBD into a carnival zone

The TPP is good for New Zealand and only a lunatic would think otherwise, do you really want people saying you’re a lunatic? and because we will all get lots of cool stuff and other countries will like us and beautiful people will sleep with us and because John really wants this one, and Max Key too probably, I had to mention him somewhere, and these protesters, these hardened radicals, these hatemongering socialists, who continue to claim that the TPP threatens our democratic freedoms, they’re talking deluded nonsense and should be dealt with by the authorities with the utmost severity, the police are right to be intimidating them, recording their names and faces, these protests are bordering on terrorism, treason even, and why did we ever repeal our sedition laws?