Love!

I’ve been reading the NZ Herald’s Mood of the Boardroom feature this morning. It turns out (shock!) that our nation’s top CEO’s generally adore John Key and Bill English, and that most of them want National to do everything possible to stay in power. For many this includes doing a deal with the hated Winston…

You’ll never walk alone

Dear Current Account Deficit, I read your story today and it broke my heart. Your courage moved me to tears, because your story is one I know only too well.Like you, I wake up most mornings with a sense of dread. I’m often so afraid of what I have become, that some days I’ll just…

Labour To Blame For Legal Costs

The Finance Minister has confirmed that Treasury is yet again revising its budgetary estimates. Bill English has long predicted that the government’s books will be in surplus by the 2014/15 financial year. However, a predicted massive hike in legal costs to the Crown has forced Treasury to take another look at the Government’s accounts. In particular, the…

Shuffling The Deck

John Key’s plan to transform the economy by reorganising a few government departments into one super-bureaucracy leaves me imagining a street magician offering card tricks to a gathering crowd of onlookers. “Watch as I dazzle you with my amazing tricks!” he says, shuffling the deck. Two hours later he’s still shuffling the cards, the crowds…

English Says Asteroid Strike Good For Country

The Finance Minister said this morning that the asteroid speeding towards the country presented opportunities for New Zealand. Scientists yesterday announced that a giant asteroid is on a collision course with the Earth. They predict that the huge rock will hit the southern part of the North Island tomorrow, destroying most of Wellington and leaving hundreds of…

Which Is The Lucky Country?

Consumer confidence is down, manufacturing slumped in October, Europe is teetering on the edge of economic meltdown, unemployment is up, the government is running a massive deficit, we’ve had a credit downgrade, economic growth is stagnant, the gap between rich and poor continues to widen, the cost of living is rising for most people, and…

Imperator Fish Fixes The Economy

A couple of days ago I nailed the drinking problem. Since I’m on a roll, I’ve solved all our economic woes too. Here’s the deal. Scientists have discovered a planet made of diamonds. It’s a wee distance from us, but nobody else is making noises about going to this new planet. So let’s get there…

Blame Labour

2311 AD: Finance Minister Bill English has lashed out at the Labour Party, claiming that the New Zealand economy remains weak because of nine years of poor economic stewardship by Labour over three hundred years ago. Speaking shortly after delivering his 303rd Budget, and just before returning to the cryogenic freezer for another eleven months,…

Madame Zoltar’s Budget Forecasts

Treasury forecasts that the Government’s books will be in surplus by the 2014/15 financial year… and you will soon meet a handsome man who will sweep you off your feet. He will wine you, dine you, romance you and dance you. He is also a billionaire. This Budget will boost growth and savings…. and you…