Right Thinking: Ponytail or phoney tale?
Dr. Frank Shizenhausen writes: I have had enough of this stroppy waitress and her hair. Who does she think she is, destroying the reputation of a decent man just because he has wandering hands?
Speech by John Key to the Papakura Rotary Club
In a speech this week to the Papakura Rotary Club, John Key hit back at claims he is a reptilian alien.
Right Thinking: Shizenhausen’s Law
New Zealand’s best libertarian authoritarian columnist has drafted a new bill to Get Shit Done, and now he needs an MP to adopt it as their own.
John Key is a psychopath: the shocking evidence
In a stunning development, it can now be revealed that John Key is a psychopath! We have all the incontrovertible proof.
Relationship with China in meltdown after PM’s calculator breaks
The PM’s calculator just broke. Will this lead to a trade crisis?
An interview with John Key
I was lucky enough yesterday to have the chance to sit down and interview the Prime Minister, John Key. Here is a transcript of our discussion. Me: Hello Prime Minister. Thank you for agreeing to talk. John Key: That’s your opinion.Me: Excuse me? JK: I said that may be your opinion. But actually, I could…
Imperator Fish Nation: the undying popularity of John Key
By Sam (who does not wish his/her full name to be published) (Click here for details of how you can contribute a piece to Imperator Fish Nation) 28 June 2013 Dear diary I am rather chuffed with how things are going. I remain popular and I feel we are on the right track. The economy…
Five reasons why this potato is better than John Key
1. This potato will not lie, prevaricate, or have convenient memory lapses. 2. This potato doesn’t care who you may be talking to, emailing, tweeting or Facebooking. This potato will not try to pass laws depriving you of your civil liberties or allowing other people to monitor your communications. 3. If you chop this potato…
National’s Hunger Plan
The National government has launched a new programme to ensure hungry workers get enough to eat. John Key today announced that the Government will spend millions of dollars to ensure all CEOs and business executives get a proper meal to start the day. “New Zealand’s future prosperity depends on our key business leaders having a…
The apology in full
Below is a full text of John Key’s apology this morning: Firstly, let me say what a tremendous honour and privilege it is to be a member of this parliament. I entered politics because, like all members, I wanted to make a difference and make our country a better place. I am in awe of…
Imperator Fish 
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