A couple of days ago I nailed the drinking problem.

Since I’m on a roll, I’ve solved all our economic woes too. Here’s the deal.

Scientists have discovered a planet made of diamonds. It’s a wee distance from us, but nobody else is making noises about going to this new planet.

So let’s get there first, mine the stuff, then watch as we become a nation of squillionaires!

Wait, I hear you say. It’s 4000 light years away. How will we ever get there?

I never said it would happen overnight. Rome wasn’t built in a day, sunshine. But we can start by moving our entire economy towards developing new rocket technologies. Forget welfare, health and roads. If every tax dollar went into building an enormous spaceship that could travel faster that the speed of light, I reckon we’d get there in no time! Maybe a couple of hundred years at the outside.

So if you’re in pain and just hanging out for that medical operation, do the rest of us a favour and take yourself off the waiting list. Or go private. Because we’re going to need those tax dollars for our super-rocket.

And remember, you don’t need to thank me. Just do the right thing.