Rugby World Cup TV Rights: A Timeline

10.22am:  John Key meets management of Triangle TV to discuss funding bid for quarterfinals. Coverage to be in Hindi.

11.32am:  Pita Sharples and Jonathan Coleman in punch-up on steps of Parliament. Labelled “fight of the century” by promoters, who hope this might at least be a contest.

11.55am:  Pita Sharples and Jonathan Coleman seen in Bellamy’s holding hands and cooing at each other.

12.08pm:  PM announces a joint consortium made up of TVNZ, China TV and the BBC will make a counterbid for the Hindi rights. Barack Obama to endorse the bid.

12.09pm:  Finance Minister vetoes expenditure on Hindi bid.

12.10pm:  PM and Finance Minister in punch-up on steps of Parliament.

1.32pm:  PM now announces he wishes all New Zealanders to be able to see coverage of the Rugby World Cup free, unless they are Phillip Field. Government to financially support a consortium made up of TVNZ, Fashion TV and Uncle Bob’s Ready Roasts. Coverage to be in Te Reo, and commentators to be Jason Gunn and Michael Cullen.

2.54pm:  Melissa Lee’s TV production company awarded large production contract, contingent on government-backed consortium winning.

4.23pm:  Treasury announces rival bid, in conjunction with the Disney Channel and the Libertarianz.

5.52pm:  Murray McCully emerges from his crypt. Is seen returning shortly afterwards with the blood of officials all over his robes.

6.08pm:  IRB announces Rugby World Cup transferred to Australia.