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Are you tired of being ignored?

Are you being bullied at work? Or maybe you don’t have a job and live with your Mum.

You’re probably about to explode, but don’t do what that guy in Cumbria did. because I have a much more elegant solution, and it involves no shedding of blood.

Become a blogger.

You may scoff, but if you’re not already a blogger you’re half-way there. You’re reading blogs. It may be just a matter of time before you dive in.

But blogging may not be for everyone, so I’ve devised a simple test to help you determine whether blogging is the answer to your problems. Though, wow, you sure do have some problems. And I’m not just talking about your chafing rash that’s got so bad it’s started blistering. Yes, you can try to cover it up, but Imperator Fish is all-knowing.

If you answer yes to any of the following questions, your destiny in the blogosphere awaits:

  • do you foam at the mouth on regular intervals?
  • are you accustomed to using terms that end in “ist” to describe people who disagree with you?
  • is the carpet at your home damaged from all your chewing?
  • have you little to no actual experience of being around other people (online interactions don’t count)?
  • has your country gone to the dogs but only you can see it?
  • do you have a visceral hatred for certain other bloggers, and would like nothing better than to denounce them online?

Of course, for a small number of people, none of these things apply, and yet they may still find themselves blogging. Moderate, well-adjusted and tolerant bloggers make us look bad. These people are dangerous, and we must watch them carefully. Better still, drive them out!

As one of the commenters on this site so elegantly stated: “bloggers are ugly”. Don’t let decent ordinary people ruin it for the rest of us.