Has the world gone mad? Why is it so goddam hard to get a decent pie nowadays? I don’t want a panini, or a brioche, or any of your fancy wholemeal breads.

“But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.”

But oh God I’m so hungry for a pie.

Tuesday 20 July 2010

Those bloody kids have been at it again. Stepping onto my lawn, even though I warned them what would happen!

Look at them, with their underpants hanging out and their trousers almost down to their knees.

“Suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope”

Oh, but Lord, I do so want to smite them with my shovel.

Wednesday 21 July 2010

What’s all this social media about anyway? When I was a young fellow and wanted to say something I’d say it in person or write a letter. Technology will be the ruin of us all.

And these modern typewriters are impossible to use. Where do I put the paper?

“And thou shalt take no gift: for the gift blindeth the wise, and perverteth the words of the righteous”

And that intertubes thing is just another modern fad that will go nowhere.

Thursday 22 July 2010

Another column done and dusted. That will set the cat amongst the pigeons. They don’t like it up ’em, as one of my favourite TV characters would say.

“For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness. I will remember their sins and lawless deeds no more”

Oh, but it’s so hard to be a good Christian!