As Labour Te Atatu Candidate Names Are Confirmed, One Name Is Missing

The names of those seeking to be the Labour party candidate to contest the Te Atatu seat in next year’s election have been released.

They include list MPs Phil Twyford and Rajen Prasad.

Another list MP was expected to run for the position, but his name does not appear on the Labour Party release.

Last-ranked Labour list LP and Women’s Affairs spokesperson Dwayne “the Dude” Baker, had been tipped to run for the seat, and had told journalists he would put his name forward.

But a mix-up meant Mr Baker’s nomination was not submitted in time.

Mr Baker spoke to journalists outside his flat yesterday. He explained that he had been “totally smoked” on the closing day for nominations and could not get off the sofa.

“I was so totally up for it, but then my mate Baz turned up with a crate and a bong. I just forgot about the whole thing.”

Asked why he had not submitted his nomination earlier Mr Baker said “Man, I’ve been so busy. You do realise that they released a new Medal of Honour game, don’t you? Oh my god, you don’t? Dude, seriously.”

Mr Baker is the most junior of Labour’s new batch of MPs. His elevation as MP was praised by many commentators in 2008 as a sign that Labour took seriously the need to engage with younger voters. But he has a poor Parliamentary attendance record, and was ejected from his first session of Parliament after showing up wearing a singlet and boardshorts and for bringing a six-pack of beer into the chamber.

Mr Baker has rejected criticism of his performance. He told journalist he enjoyed the job and was looking forward to making a difference in a portfolio that he cherished.

“It may surprise you to learn, but some of the ladies just don’t get Dwayne the Dude. They don’t understand that hanging with me is about relaxing, having some cones, and letting it chill. So The Dude just isn’t getting the action he needs, if you follow my drift.

‘That’s why when Phil Daddy offered me Women’s Affairs I jumped at it. Can you believe nobody else wanted it, not even those red-blooded guys like Charles Chauvel? I’m totally up for having affairs with as many women as I can.

“And if we win the next election I’ll be like the Minister of Pussy.”

However women’s groups have said Mr Baker has failed to make a positive impact in the role.

Northwest Takapuna Anglican Women’s League Vice-President Shirelle Vomoza said that Mr Baker was late to one meeting with her group, and that he had behaved in an offensive and misogynistic manner towards members.

“He told me I was almost as old as his mother, but that if I wanted he would ‘totally do’ me. I have never been so offended in all my life, but when I told him he was out of line he said to me ‘just be chillin’, mama’. I don’t even know what that means.

“I have told my members to vote for ACT next year.”

However, Mr Baker has disputed Ms Vomoza’s version of events.

“That angry granny was totally up for it, but The Dude has standards. Sometimes the truth hurts, lady.”

Although Mr Baker has missed out on the opportunity to run in Te Atatu, he confirmed he will seek a place on the Labour list for 2011.

“This life is so sweet. I get paid all this money and I don’t even have to do anything.

“I’m just waiting now for one of these women’s affairs, so I can show some fine lady what The Dude has to offer in the sack. But I sure am sick of being slapped on the face.”