It’s no secret that Don Brash is planning a new political party.

I’ve had leaked to me a copy of the main policies of this new party, and here they are.

• Find evidence that John Key was born in Kenya.
• Sir Michael Fay to be appointed SOE Minister.
• Sell advertising space on the NZ flag. 
• Eliminate poverty by declaring war on the poor.
• Replace PM’s Chief Science Adviser with an accountant.
• End race-based funding for all tribes except the white ones.
• Appoint Mickey Mouse as Minister for Economic Development.
• Pretend it’s still the 19th century.
• Buy the Labour Party, sack its board, strip its assets and flog it off to the Chinese.
• Become socialists when our friends are in trouble and need to be bailed out.
• Reading other people’s emails to be a capital offence.
• End all Maori privileges, except the privilege of being more likely to be incarcerated, murdered, unemployed, sick or poor.
• Put his good friend Peter Huljich in charge of Kiwisaver.
• Offer to become a UK citizen if they will make him their king.
• End welfare dependency except for executives of failed financial institutions.
• Appoint Muriel Newman as Race Relations Commissioner.
• Abba’s “Money Money Money” to be the new national anthem.
• NZ Stock Exchange to set up a new board for the listing of grannies.
• End discrimination against vampires.
• Get Sir Peter Jackson to make an epic movie trilogy about an accountant who saves the world using only a calculator.

Where do I join up?

(Update: I posted these on twitter last night under the hashtag #brashpartypolicies and a bunch of other people joined in with their own policy suggestions. There are some good ones, so check them out)