The Brash Manifesto

It’s no secret that Don Brash is planning a new political party.

I’ve had leaked to me a copy of the main policies of this new party, and here they are.

  • Find evidence that John Key was born in Kenya.
  • Sir Michael Fay to be appointed SOE Minister.
  • Sell advertising space on the NZ flag. 
  • Eliminate poverty by declaring war on the poor.
  • Replace PM’s Chief Science Adviser with an accountant.
  • End race-based funding for all tribes except the white ones.
  • Appoint Mickey Mouse as Minister for Economic Development.
  • Pretend it’s still the 19th century.
  • Buy the Labour Party, sack its board, strip its assets and flog it off to the Chinese.
  • Become socialists when our friends are in trouble and need to be bailed out.
  • Reading other people’s emails to be a capital offence.
  • End all Maori privileges, except the privilege of being more likely to be incarcerated, murdered, unemployed, sick or poor.
  • Put his good friend Peter Huljich in charge of Kiwisaver.
  • Offer to become a UK citizen if they will make him their king.
  • End welfare dependency except for executives of failed financial institutions.
  • Appoint Muriel Newman as Race Relations Commissioner.
  • Abba’s “Money Money Money” to be the new national anthem.
  • NZ Stock Exchange to set up a new board for the listing of grannies.
  • End discrimination against vampires.
  • Get Sir Peter Jackson to make an epic movie trilogy about an accountant who saves the world using only a calculator.

Where do I join up?

(Update: I posted these on twitter last night under the hashtag #brashpartypolicies and a bunch of other people joined in with their own policy suggestions. There are some good ones, so check them out)