It’s no secret that Don Brash is planning a new political party.
I’ve had leaked to me a copy of the main policies of this new party, and here they are.
- Find evidence that John Key was born in Kenya.
- Sir Michael Fay to be appointed SOE Minister.
- Sell advertising space on the NZ flag.
- Eliminate poverty by declaring war on the poor.
- Replace PM’s Chief Science Adviser with an accountant.
- End race-based funding for all tribes except the white ones.
- Appoint Mickey Mouse as Minister for Economic Development.
- Pretend it’s still the 19th century.
- Buy the Labour Party, sack its board, strip its assets and flog it off to the Chinese.
- Become socialists when our friends are in trouble and need to be bailed out.
- Reading other people’s emails to be a capital offence.
- End all Maori privileges, except the privilege of being more likely to be incarcerated, murdered, unemployed, sick or poor.
- Put his good friend Peter Huljich in charge of Kiwisaver.
- Offer to become a UK citizen if they will make him their king.
- End welfare dependency except for executives of failed financial institutions.
- Appoint Muriel Newman as Race Relations Commissioner.
- Abba’s “Money Money Money” to be the new national anthem.
- NZ Stock Exchange to set up a new board for the listing of grannies.
- End discrimination against vampires.
- Get Sir Peter Jackson to make an epic movie trilogy about an accountant who saves the world using only a calculator.
Where do I join up?
(Update: I posted these on twitter last night under the hashtag #brashpartypolicies and a bunch of other people joined in with their own policy suggestions. There are some good ones, so check them out)