Can I take a suitcase?

Does my existing insurance cover the Rapture? And will I need travel insurance?

Is there mobile phone coverage in Heaven? And will be there be somewhere I can charge my phone?

Will all my childhood pets be there to meet me in Heaven? If so, have the ones who used to shit everywhere been housetrained yet?

What arrangements have been made for people with food allergies?

Do they have patents and IP lawyers in Heaven? (Obviously they do in Hell)

Will I earn air-miles on my trip there?

Does Heaven have a good retirement scheme?

All the pictures of Heaven I have seen depict an old white guy in charge. Is Heaven run by ACT?

Is it true that nobody in Heaven works and that everyone just does whatever they want? Maybe it isn’t run by ACT after all.

How does it work if I do something wrong? Can they transfer people “downstairs”? If so, do people have the right to a fair trial? Are there courts? Lawyers? Judges? Juries? Police? Justice lobby groups? Prisons? Is there legislation?

If all this justice apparatus doesn’t exist, does that make God a tyrant?

Can I please not be put on a seat next to Richard Dawkins on the flight up? He’s going to go crazy when he finds out the destination.