My Immense Good Fortune

Readers, I have had some good fortune, and it has already changed my life completely.

So many of you have stuck with me through thick and thin, when ruination, pain and despair were my only companions. I am of course referring to the blasphemy trials, the numerous psychiatric interventions, and the nasty incident involving the llama.

Thus, I feel I should share my good fortune with you.

Yesterday I received an email from a lovely Rose James.

Congratulation My Dear,
this is to inform you that the management and control of all finances of the Government as prescribed by the constitution of the country is the responsibility of the federal Ministry of Finance to handle all foreign arias/debts.The Board of Federal Ministry of Finance Benin Republic are here to notify you of your payment inherited funds of (US$1.200.000) USD After the meeting held on 09th of July 2011 His Excellence the PRESIDENT OF FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF BENIN Has instructed this Department to send your funds to you through western union money transfer for easier receive of your inherited funds without any further delay.

Imagine that. I hadn’t expected to receive a windfall like that, but I can only surmise that a distant relative settled in Africa, made a vast fortune from slaving or blood diamonds, and decided to help me. No doubt he/she saw my work on the internet and realised that if I were freed from the tyranny of a day-job I could rise to true blogging greatness.

Wait a minute, I hear you say. It’s a scam. But I know for a fact that it’s legit. How? Because there is actually a country called Benin. It’s for real! And it even has a President. His name is Yayi Boni. Now why would President Boni be having meetings about money that didn’t exist? He’s a busy man, what with all those cotton farms and so many people to feed.

Plus the President has an honest, respectable face that wouldn’t go amiss in any country vicarage.

So to suggest he would lower himself to be involved in fraudulent activity really is shameful and only reflects poorly on you. When did you become so jaded, cynical and untrusting? If that’s your attitude towards all things it’s a wonder you continue on living, because you sound like a truly sad character, my friend. Why not end it all now and put a stop to the misery, incontinence and impotence that is your everyday life?

So, anyway, they can start sending me my dead relative’s money as soon as they get some basic information from me.

So you addhere strictly to contact western union right now with this address Dr John William Tel +229-939_259_83 ( to start picking up your money today you.The maximum amount you will receiving per a day is ($4,500.00) as soon as they confirmed your infromation as listed below,
Receiver’s Name:_____
Receiver’s Address:_____
Your Country:______
Tell Number:____
ONCE AGAIN: Your fund has been approved from the federal ministry of finance benin republic today so do contact western union department immediately tostart picking up your fund,

Thanks in anticipation of your co-operation,
Mrs Rose James

They haven’t asked for my bank account details yet for the deposit, but I guess I’d better send that to them as well.

It’ll be nice to see the money start rolling in, because we got so excited at the news that today we put an unconditional offer on a house in Herne Bay. It’s a financial stretch, and it’s a place we couldn’t have dreamed of owning before discovering my dear departed relative left us all this cash. I also had to top up the mortgage and take out a huge personal loan to pay for the brand new Lexus in the driveway, but like I told the dealer when I filled in the forms this afternoon, it’s only for a month or two. Thank God, because I really would be screwed if the money didn’t show up.

Gee, but it would be good to know which of my relatives emigrated to Benin. I’ve never been there but already I’m falling in love with the place.