Police Welcome Opportunity To Watch You Doing A Poo

Police Association President Greg O’Connor has welcomed news that the Government will seek a law change to allow police to spy on you when you are in the toilet.

Police say that have been concerned for some time that when you go to the toilet you shut the door.

“What are you hiding in there?” Mr O’Connor asked you.

“You really have nothing to fear, unless you are hiding something. Are you committing crimes in that cubicle?”

Mr O’Connor has rejected claims by civil liberties groups that having cameras and listening devices watching you defecate will be a gross breach of your privacy.

“The fact that you wipe your bottom with your left hand rather than your right is of no interest to us, unless of course your right hand is holding a phone and you are talking to your dealer or your terror cell leader,” said Mr O’Connor.

Police have also welcomed news that they will now be able to watch your bedroom sexual activities.

Mr O’Connor said there were a number of reasons why police might want to monitor your pitiful efforts to give pleasure to your partner.

“The Crimes Act sets out a whole range of sexual offences,” said Mr O’Connor. “Monitoring and surveillance will ensure that if you cross the line into illegal behaviour, your victim will have redress.

“We will have the footage we need to convict you, and you won’t be able to use legal technicalities to argue the whole thing was an egregious breach of your privacy.”

Attorney General Chris Finlayson told reporters that the law change was essential to ensure police could covertly watch you pleasuring yourself in the shower.

“As disgusting as your behaviour might be to right-thinking people, there’s an important principle at stake. If police cannot see who or what you are stimulating then they cannot protect the public against you.”

United Future leader Peter Dunne confirmed he would support the legislation.

“I don’t see the problem with police being able to go into your house when you are asleep, make themselves at home, turn the telly on and set up recording equipment in every corner of your house.

“And if a commonsense reasonable person like me can’t see the problem, what is yours? What are you hiding?”

You were contacted for comment, but were unavailable at the time this was posted.