The Doomsday Licensing and Registration Board wishes to advise the public that there will be no world-end today.
The annihilation of everything had been scheduled for 0800 today, but due to staff shortages in our Mayan division we have been left with no choice but to cancel the event.
These staff shortages have left us unable to fill critical positions in our Mayan astrology team, and this means that we cannot verify the end of the world with full confidence.
We hope to announce a new apocalypse early in 2013, once we have recruited a new astrology team, and following the registration of a new doomsday event.
We appreciate that this late cancellation may cause some inconvenience for those wishing to experience the horror of seeing it all go up in flames. So for those people not prepared to wait for the next apocalypse, we recommend a summer of following the New Zealand cricket team.
In the meantime, please accept our sincerest apologies for any inconvenience your non-death may cause you.
Chairman, Doomsday Licensing and Registration Board