Transcript of Leader’s Keynote Speech: United Future Party Annual Conference

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Ladies and gentlemen, firstly let me just say how much…

Wait, I have to stop for a minute. I’m having trouble seeing my audience. This phone booth isn’t all that well lit. Where’s my torch?

Ah, that’s better!

Right. Ahem…

Ladies and…

No, it’s still no good. I still can’t see the audience. The mirror has moved again. If I hold the torch with one hand and the mirror with the other I can just about manage.

But then I won’t be able to turn the pages of my speech notes.

This is no good! Oh well, at least I’m next to a phone. I might call John Banks and find out how he does it.

John? Hi, is John there?

Hi John, it’s Peter. Peter Dunne. Look, I need your advice about something. Have you got a minute? I need to ask you how you handle your annual meetings. I’m having trouble holding both the mirror and torch.

Oh, you do? During the daytime? So if I postpose my speech until tomorrow afternoon, I won’t need a torch, and I’ll have one hand free to turn the pages of my notes? It’s a nice thought, but I have so many commitments tomorrow I’m just not sure it’ll work.

Really? I hadn’t thought of holding it in a restaurant. Yes, yes, the light would be better, and we could all enjoy a meal and a drink at the same time.

Right, thanks John. See you Monday.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you’d like to all follow me, we’ll take this across the road. The Star of India does a magnificent chicken tikka masala, and the sagwala is irresistible.

Just watch the road here. It gets very busy in the early evening. Good, we’re over.

Righto, here we are. Smell that curry! Mmmm…

Looks like they’re fairly quiet tonight, so they shouldn’t have any trouble accommodating our group.

Hello there. Peter Dunne, United Future Party leader. How are you? Could I have a table for one please?