Gun found in Labour leader’s office

Labour leader David Shearer

Police were called into Labour Party leader David Shearer’s Wellington office this morning, after a loaded gun was found on his desk.

David Shearer has confirmed that he called police, after arriving at his office to find the weapon.

“I have no idea who did this,” said Shearer. “Some madman must have broken into our offices last night and left their gun behind.

“I mean, why the hell else would someone leave a loaded revolver on my desk?”

Police would not say if they suspected a robbery, although at this stage nothing has been reported missing.

Update: Labour leader David Shearer has asked police to return the gun left at his offices overnight.

Shearer made the request a few minutes after viewing a recording of John Campbell’s interview of John Key on Wednesday night’s Campbell Live show.

However, police say they cannot release the gun, as it is evidence in an active criminal investigation.

In a short interview with the media this afternoon the Labour leader refused to explain why he wanted the gun.

Shearer also refused to explain why he was wearing neither a tie nor or belt, and why his shoes were without shoelaces.

The Labour leader concluded the interview by rushing towards an open window and leaping out of it. He landed in a flower bed and suffered only minor scratches.

“I can’t go on like this!” Shearer appeared to tell reporters as his advisers carried him back to his office. “This has to end! Make it stop! Make the pain go away!”

A member of Shearer’s staff later clarified that Shearer had been trying to say that the country could not go on like this under a National government, and that a Labour government would end the pain being suffered by ordinary hard-working Kiwis at the hands of John Key’s callous and incompetent administration.

Labour Party officials have now cancelled a number of Shearer’s public engagements, including a clifftop walk, a bridge-opening, and a tour of a knife factory.

One thought on “Gun found in Labour leader’s office

  1. Absolutely accurate. No satirical connotation required.

    A poor fellow trapped in a job he cannot extract himself from because he is surrounded by such lack of talent, procrastination and sheer mistrust, that his parliamentary colleagues can do nothing to relieve the poor bastard of his anguish by dumping him for someone else.

    No wonder so many believe the next leader of the Labour is not even in parliament yet.

    The party should have stuck with Goff in the meantime. At least, he is articulate.

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