Ten reasons why Labour Party supporters should stop worrying

1. Good things take time

Be patient and do your duty. These bad times will pass. Probably. Possibly. We hope.

2. No pressure

Being in government is hard. But being the supporter of a political party that goes into government is even harder.

“Hey, what about all that change you promised us while you were in opposition?”

“Why aren’t you using your powers to fulfil my policy wishlist?”

“When will we get our workers’ paradise?”

“Why haven’t you abolished all private property?”

Who would want that pressure? Far easier to be carping from the opposition benches.

3. We could still win it!

If you look at all the polling data and use your imagination to construct a scenario where National’s support collapses just before the election, then anything becomes possible.

4. What if the Nats are right?

What if it turns out that Labour and the Greens are in fact set on a course of economic sabotage that will leave us all destitute?

They probably aren’t, but better safe than sorry?

5. The Key factor

John Key is National’s main asset, but all assets depreciate over time.

Patience, people! Any decade now…

6. Clean hands

Please say after me:

“National plays dirty. Hooton, Farrar, Slater etc. It’s better to lose and retain your self respect, than win by means of deceit and media manipulation.”

Now repeat this a thousand times. Are you starting to believe it yet? No? Then try another thousand.

7. Media bias

This one’s easy. Why feel bad about the result if you know the game is fixed?

8. It’s always darkest before the dawn

Although the bright light in your bedroom window as you awaken could also be an indication that your house is on fire.

9. Sheeple

People are stupid. They won’t do the right thing, and they’ll even act against their own long-term interests. Unlike you, they don’t see the truth behind the lying Tories. Only you understand the evil these Nats harbour in the darkest recesses of their polluted souls.

You can’t stop people from being stupid. Stupid rules the world. We’re all on a path to Hell at the hands of these terrible Tories, but there’s nothing we can do about it. Stop worrying and have another drink.

10. Nine long years

The 2017 election is only three and a half years away.