I have created a short test to help you determine which side you’re on. Are you for the terrorists, or against them? Just work out how many of the following statements apply to you.
- You have not yet written a blogpost denouncing ISIS. How else are people going to figure out that ISIS are a bunch of evil arseholes?
- You have not stopped all other activities in order to protest against ISIS. Incidentally, imagine what we could achieve if we all just marched down Queen Street chanting “What do we want? Islamic State to stop blowing people up! When do we want it? NOW!”
- You think that other things going on in the world may be just as important as the fight against ISIS.
- You have not yet changed your Facebook or Twitter profile picture to depict the French flag.
- You think civil liberties and the right to privacy are things worth fighting for.
- You have not loudly proclaimed to everyone within voice range “something must be done!” despite having no clue what should be done.
- You think there is no acceptable level of civilian casualties when it comes to bombing ISIS targets.
- You still remember how we were meant to arm the enemies of Bashar al-Assad, and how he had to be stopped at all costs, by any means necessary.
- You have not denounced at least one commentator or public figure in your country for being for the terrorists.
Now count up how many of the above statements apply to you. Check your result below.
0 – good news! You’re probably not for the terrorists, although your communications will continue to be monitored
1-3 – you’re a terrorist sympathiser
4-6 – you’re an actual terrorist, although your application to join Islamic State hasn’t yet been accepted
7 – you are an active member of Islamic State
8 – you are the leader of Islamic State
9 – you just murdered the leader of Islamic State and took his place because you were worried he’d gone soft