A report into That Thing was released yesterday, after some people died, were endangered, or had their rights violated. The report finds fault with the systems and processes followed by That Organisation, but it falls short of holding anyone accountable. “Everything went wrong but nobody is to blame,” said the report’s author, That Person.Prime Minister…
This government is committed to protecting the security and safety of all its citizens. But we also take very seriously the failings of the GCSB laid bare by Rebecca Kitteridge’s report, and we are determined to ensure these failings are rectified. As the Kitteridge report makes very clear, these problems would not have occurred if our…
Authorities are pleading for calm, after tributes began pouring in following the death of former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. A Civil Defence spokesperson, Dr Neska Punjipatama, said that the rising tide of tributes was expected to peak shortly after 6:00 pm this evening. “We are monitoring levels closely”, said Dr Punjipatama. “We are particularly concerned about…
A guest post by Kim Jong-un, Supreme Leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, First Secretary of the Workers’ Party of Korea, Supreme Chairman of the Committee for Heroic Dance, Supreme Commander of the Korean People’s Army, First Member of the Supreme Chicken Council, Chairman of the Central Military Commission, Member of the Politburo…
Climate change sceptics have sought in recent days to claim that Lord Monckton is currently touring New Zealand. However, these fanciful claims deserve careful scrutiny. Does the evidence of a Monckton tour really stack up? In fact, does Lord Monckton exist at all? Consider the following: Many of those claiming to have met Monckton, or…
A startling report from our medicine and astrology correspondent, Victoria Newt John Key is fast becoming famous for his memory lapses. These include forgetting where he stood on the 1981 Springbok tour, failing to remember how he voted on the drinking age, forgetting about important phone calls, forgetting about GCSB briefings, and forgetting how many…
The Environment was today arrested by police, after frustrating business groups for a number of years. Police moved against The Environment following a tip-off from a concerned member of the public. The Environment had been in hiding since legislation making environmentalism unlawful was passed by the government. Minister for Expending Energy and Resources to Change…
The New Zealand Geographic Board has announced it will consult the public before settling on new official names for the North and South Islands.It’s about time. I’ve long thought we could do better than the current names. The board is looking at changing the name South Island to Te Waipounamu and the North Island to…
People who read my posts will know I have not been an uncritical supporter of the Labour Party. The party has struggled from one blunder to the next, and this tendency towards self-injury has driven much of the ongoing speculation about David Shearer’s leadership. Many of us have looked on in dismay as Labour tears…
Imperator Fish 
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