Key To Box In 2011

The decision by John Key to fight a boxing match just weeks before the likely election date is causing consternation among some past and present National Party politicians. National Party president Peter Goodfellow has confirmed that a provision had been agreed under Mr Key’s arrangements with National, allowing him to fight up to two boxing…

Mr Key, Make It Rain!

Various parts of the country are in drought, and the situation is only going to get worse. Surely something can be done. Why isn’t John Key making it rain? If everything he touches turns to gold, surely he can arrange for a bit of rainfall over these parched lands. Now I know exactly what you’re…

Top Ten Ideas To Beat The Deficit

The news from Bill English was all bad today. The Government’s previous growth projections have been wildly optimistic, and it turns out that we really are in a hole. The deficit is now enormous, and the Government has some tough decisions to make. We need to come up with ways to save money or generate…

Crunch Time For BickieLeaks

As the BickieLeaks website continues to release sensitive information, biscuit authorities in the United States are now looking at what steps can be taken to shut it down. Overnight the BickieLeaks site released fresh information about the diplomacy efforts of the Federation of United Biscuit Merchants, based in Washington. The leaked information included a cable…

Corrupt? Hell Yeah!

According to a survey conducted by Transparency International, 4% of New Zealanders have admitted to paying a bribe in the last 12 months. We like to think we are a nation free from the taint of corruption, yet the survey shows that vice is on the increase. I am one of those 4%. It shames…

Constitution To Be Revised Some Time Next Week

The Government has announced that it will undertake a review of New Zealand’s constitutional arrangements. The review will look at a range of constitutional issues, such as the size of parliament, the length of parliamentary terms, and whether the nation should have a written constitution. The review was originally intended to involve a range of…

My Neighbour Might Be A Terrorist

Dear Sirs, I read in the newspaper that you chaps are encouraging citizens to dob in people who may be involved in the spread or acquisition of weapons of mass destruction. I must say it was a relief to learn that I would finally have someone to express my concerns to. I’ve been very worried…

Sensible Cancer Trust Calls On GP To Resign

A support group for victims of cancer has slammed a prominent Howick doctor and called on him to resign his position. Dr Nigel Coucy has been telling patients that they should cut out smoking, eat healthily and exercise, in order to reduce the risk of cancer. Sensible Cancer Trust spokesman Malcolm Ignant said that Dr…