Labour Politician Caught Being Gay

The Labour MP at the centre of controversy today said he had no regrets about his behaviour and would do it again. Charles Chauvel was reportedly about his business recently when an incident of his being gay allegedly occurred. The alleged incident was reported on a right wing blogsite. Comments on that site claimed Chauvel…

"Why Is Modern Music So Tuneless?"

In breaking news, a person has complained about noisy kids. The full (gasp!) shocking story is here. And here are some of the latest shocking developments to this story: a man has complained because another vehicle didn’t indicate I don’t like those tattoos a shopkeeper has grumbled because a rude patron didn’t say ‘thank you”…

Crazy Sciencey Types At It Again!

Them crazy scienticians are always making stuff up. Like the whole global warming thing. Thanks but no thanks. I don’t need science-persons to tell me what our planet is doing. How can the Earth be warming when it’s actually quite cool today? No, sir, if I want my climate science I’ll listen to the corporate…

Will Competition in Rugby League Lead To League Tables?

Controversy is raging about whether the introduction of National Rugby League Standards will inevitably lead to the creation of league tables. The Standards include a points system, where the scorer of a try earns four points for his team, while a penalty kick or conversion earns two points. A drop goal will be worth one…

Video of SST Editor Shows Up After Fake Attacks

A videotape of Sunday Star Times Editor Mitchell Murphy has surfaced, only hours after police revealed that the newspaper’s reporters sneaked fake explosives into Super 14 games. Footage of Murphy appeared on the internet shortly after the incidents were made public. While intelligence agencies have not yet verified that the grainy footage is indeed that…

Sensible Whaling Trust Congratulates Japan

The Sensible Whaling Trust congratulates the Japanese Government for taking firm action against anti-whaling protesters. “The actions of the eco-terrorist Pete Bethune ought to shock any right-thinking person,” said spokesman Ahab McReverend. “The video of Bethune’s actions aboard the Japanese whaling vessel Shonan Maru II is shocking to watch. The video shows Mr Bethune mounting…

Pipes

A group of DIFTINGUISHED GENTLEMEN wishes to announce the eftablishment of a new limited liability company THE ROYAL SOUTH SEAS PIPE TRADING COMPANY. The PERFONAGES behinde the propofed enterprife include SIR JASPER BUSH-MULLBERRY LORD BENTNICKLE THE RT HON SIR ANTHONY MARLBOROUGH-SNEDLY-SMYTH-PANTYFORTH. SUBFCRIPTIONS ARE NOW FOUGHT from members of the public such as will enable the…

A Tragedy

Something terrible has happened to one of our business giants, and I’m sure you will join with me in expressing sadness and condolences towards the man and his family. Because, according to Forbes Magazine, Graeme Hart is no longer the 110th richest man on the planet. His status has dipped, and he now sits in…

John’s Diary – 9/3/10

Another busy week of talk talk talk. The press have been all over me because they said I claimed in January to have a secret plan to eradicate whaling, when in actual fact we are about to support Japan’s efforts to hunt the little buggers down. I was misreported, of course.  What I said was…