Fishmeat: More On The Chained Lady

This morning I broke what is possibly the most sensational news story in the history of civilisation. Read on to learn more about the despicable Labour MP and his dirty secret. So what’s in the basement? Or should that be who? My impeccable source has provided documentary evidence that a current Labour MP has a…

Fishmeat: Who’s That In Your Dungeon?

A spy tells me that a certain Labour MP has a secret. A dirty little secret he keeps chained to a wall in his basement. My source is impeccable. This is the same source who last week revealed that Trevor Mallard was a terrorist working for al-Qaeda, and who blew the whistle on the shameful treatment of…

Key’s Secret Super Plans

Why does John Key appear so confident that we are not facing a future superannuation crisis? Young people are fleeing the country in such numbers that soon there will be mostly just the elderly left, with their only companions being the finance company directors to fleece them of their life savings. And who will look…

Uncle Ernie: Our Brave Boys In Blue

Now the Urewera trouble is over, it’s time we all said a big thank you to our constabulary for keeping us safe from the terrifying prospect of people playing with guns in an irresponsible manner who aren’t all white. I heard the police wanted to charge the lot of them with being terrorists, so the…

Budget’s School Report

Mathematics While Budget understands the basics of arithmetic, Budget displays a concerning lack of imagination and application in this area. Mathematics involves more than simple subtraction. More effort required! Economics Budget really struggles with this topic, but this is a result of the disruptive influences in his class. I have tried to separate Budget from his best…

Take Your Medicine

You’ve probably heard a lot about the National government’s austerity measures, and I know you’re probably worrying whether this belt-tightening is really worth it. It’s going to cost you more to get your prescription filled, and the quality of the services you receive from the government is declining. If you are having to deal with ACC, for example, you could…

New Wiggles Line-up Announced

New Red Wiggle, Trevor Mallard Labour MP Trevor Mallard has confirmed rumours that he will be the new Red Wiggle from 2013. The legendary band announced on Thursday that three members of the group will retire at the end of the year. Jeff Fatt (the Purple Wiggle), Greg Page (the Yellow Wiggle), and Murray Cook (the…