Top ten John Key excuses why unemployment has risen:

• “Unemployed” is such a pejorative term. Let’s instead use the term “recreationally enabled”.
• IT’S ALL LABOUR’S FAULT!!
• Volcanoes.
• I like cute animals. Can we talk about them instead?
• Flag flag flag flag flag flag flag flag flag flag flag flag flag… still here? flag flag flag flag flag flag flag flag flag…
• Can we blame God for this?
• These things take time. It’s like a fine wine, and I should know because I’ve got cellars of the stuff. “Qu’ils mangent de la brioche!”
• Global warming.
• Don’t worry – we’re on top of this issue, and our projections are accurate. Bill English just last week predicted unemployment would not hit 7%, and he was right. We may not see unemployment break below the 7% mark for many years.
• IT’S ALL LABOUR’S FAULT!!