Substance Use Rampant In Government

Several members of the Law Commission were taken into custody yesterday, after being caught in a police sting.

Police allege that Law Commission members were found in possession of large quantities of Evidence, a substance that was restricted by the National government shortly after it took office in 2008.

One Law Commission insider has confirmed that the use of Evidence is widespread throughout the organisation, and that members have been warned by government officials about their behaviour.

But the Law Commission is not the only Wellington organisation under a cloud as a result of staff behaviour.

There have been recent reports that the use of Conceit, Arrogance and Complacency is on the rise within government.

One government user, who spoke under conditions of anonymity and wished only to be known as Gerry, admitted he had a problem.

“It’s become an addiction,” Gerry admitted. “It’s got so bad that it seems like Arrogance and Conceit are the only things that get me through the day.

“I can’t do without my fix.”

And the Finance Minister yesterday denied allegations made in Parliament by Labour MPs that he was caught in possession of a large quantity of Incompetence.

Mr English claims that the substance found on him was Fiscal Prudence, a permitted substance, but his story has been questioned by authorities.

Prime Minister John Key was asked by journalists to comment on the claims made about members of his government, but did not respond.

Mr Key’s press secretary later confirmed that the Prime Minister would not be available to comment due to a severe bout of Hubris.