National’s New Irrigation Scheme

The National Party yesterday announced a new irrigation scheme to be funded from the Future Investment Fund.

National has pledged to establish the Future Investment Fund to manage the proceeds from the sale of state assets, and has committed to use that fund for future infrastructure investment.

Prime Minister John Key claims that the fund will hold between $5-7 billion, depending on how much is realised from the sale of state assets.

Mr Key has now pledged to put aside $400 million towards a colonic irrigation fund.

“The proposed scheme will make money available for critical projects of major importance,” said Mr Key.

“It will allow us to reduce blockages in the system and get things moving again.”

But New Zealand First leader Winston Peters last night launched a scathing attack on the plan.

“National won’t stop until foreign instruments have infiltrated the bottoms of every single hardworking New Zealander,” said Mr Peters.

Mr Peters denied he was whipping up sentiment against foreign intruders.

“Look, that’s ridiculous nonsense and you know it. Why don’t you do your homework for a change?

“In 2008 almost half the people who voted for New Zealand First wore catheters or colostomy bags.”