Media Release
The Rt. Hon Humphrey Horswell QSM has resigned from the role as General Secretary of the Telegram Party, effective immediately.
Mr Horswell made the decision to resign as a result of the scandalous and sensational behaviour of his wife Edna, who recently eloped to Timaru with a Hungarian dancing girl.
The licentious and depraved behaviour of the two voluptuaries in question, unrestrained by any notions of common morality or decency, would bring shame to the most libertine and lecherous Eastern potentate, and it has convinced Mr Horswell that he cannot in all conscience remain in good society for a moment longer.
“My honour has been impugned, and I cannot look my fellows in the eye while that d—d woman is out there engaged in such degenerate and disgusting behaviour,” said Mr Horswell.
The Rt. Hon Humphrey Horswell
“I am left with no choice but to stand down and seek what justice I may through the judicial system, and God help me if the magistrate won’t give me satisfaction for the wrongs committed against my good name!”
As the lustful and lecherous pairing of these two wanton women must surely bring revulsion to all right thinking gentlemen, we wish Mr Horswell all the very best in his efforts to restore his fortunes.
The Telegram Party team.
Stop.
Read more about Edna Horswell’s shameful and lustful behaviour here.
Imperator Fish 
What an ghastly state of affairs. I sir, am shocked and appalled . Yet another honourable gentleman is laid low by the curse of eve. Technology, women and homosexuals have a lot to answer for. As I mentioned before, I too have had my honour and fundamental decency sullied by my so called wife. I offer my sincerest condolences. My drawing room is open to you any time. Perhaps over some cherry and cigars we could console each other till the wee hours and my butler is rather comely, besides.
Daguerreotypes of the harlots or it didn’t happen. (For research purposes)
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