A tied and emotional Pete Bethune has told reporters he has English football great Paul Gascoigne to thank for his freedom. Bethune arrived back in Auckland this morning after receiving a two-year suspended sentence by a Japanese court for his anti-whaling activities. The Sea Shepherd Conservation Society has claimed a deal brokered with the Japanese…
No-nonsense conservative columnist Dr. Frank Shizenhausen’s latest blistering attack on political correctness I was delighted to read that the Prime Minister thinks the All Blacks captain ought to be tasered if he fails to bring the World Cup home to New Zealand. It’s good to see our PM insisting on there being consequences for failing…
Dear readers I thought you should know I’ve decided to become a vampire. It’s been on my mind for the last few weeks, but then when I read an article that said today’s vampires are both kind and sexy, I just knew it was time for me to transform. I’m not sure what’s involved in…
Minutes of Meeting of the Auckland 2020 Olympics Organising Committee, held on 1 April 2019 Present: R. Hide (Chairman), J. Gunn (Secretary), B. Tamaki (Treasurer), M. Hotchin, Hon C. Slater, R. Brooke Apologies: C. Weatherston, Sir J. Banks The meeting was called to order at 3:30pm and the following business was discussed: The committee members…
Real estate agents have reported a surge of interest from patent attorneys and IP lawyers looking to buy up volcanoes and other hidden lairs. The surge began shortly after the Minister of Justice, Simon Power, announced that changes would be made to the Patents Bill, to bring it into line with the European position on…
Sometimes when you’re a prominent politician your memory can play tricks on you. It’s like that time when I accused my opponent of dipping into ratepayer funds to pay for posh lunches, only to suddenly remember I’d been reimbursed for a few fancy feeds myself. I’d so completely forgotten about any of that. Or like…
The recent crucifixion of Jesus by the Romans has proven to be a marketing Midas touch for Judea, according to branding experts. The brave effort of the Romans in nailing up the Son of God has captured the imagination of the entire province, and has seen Judea’s stocks riding high. The unexpected success of the…
Dictators, monsters and corrupt rulers, be very afraid. Lincoln University has revoked an honorary degree awarded to a former Peruvian president who was last year jailed for ordering two massacres and committing other human rights crimes. Lincoln vice- chancellor Roger Field said the decision to revoke Alberto Fujimori’s science doctorate was met by a round…
There was an altercation in Parliament today as reactionary forces, led by the Speaker of the House, Lockwood Smith, attempted to fly the New Zealand flag. The incident sparked an official protest by the Chinese government, and a formal apology from the governor of the province, John Key. An investigation is now under way to…
All Whites captain Ryan Nelsen has said John Key was the difference between New Zealand and Italy today. New Zealand beat the fancied Italian team 1-1 in their World Cup encounter at Nelspruit this morning. The result has stunned the football world. Nelsen spoke after the game about the inspiration behind their victorious draw. “This…
Imperator Fish 
You must be logged in to post a comment.