National’s Hunger Plan

The National government has launched a new programme to ensure hungry workers get enough to eat. John Key today announced that the Government will spend millions of dollars to ensure all CEOs and business executives get a proper meal to start the day.“New Zealand’s future prosperity depends on our key business leaders having a healthy and nutritious…

Important Questions For Colin Craig

If John Key is too gay for Helensville, just how much gayness would Colin Craig be happy with? Craig is obviously offended by Key’s “mincing”, and by Key’s support for the Marriage Equality Bill. But how much gayness is Key allowed? For example, is all gay sex out, or just the sort that involves the…

Wellington Health Officials Struggle To Cope With Contagion

An emergency quarantine zone has been established around the Beehive building in Wellington, after reports of senior government ministers inexplicably falling ill. A civil emergency has now been declared in Wellington, and health officials have been meeting under urgency to consider how to address the situation. The crisis became apparent after a government minister began to behave in…

Is John Key’s Leadership Doomed?

National Party leader John Key has angrily denied that his leadership is in trouble. Rumours that his deputy, Bill English, may be planning to oust him, have been doing the rounds in Wellington in recent days. But both John Key and Bill English say there is no plot, and that claims of a potential challenge…

Smoking Studies For Schools?

So it turns out that John Key was the one who came up with the idea of giving a bunch more pokie machines to Sky City in return for a convention centre. It’s the kind of innovative forward-thinking we have come to expect from our PM, and it demonstrates yet again that National leads the way when…

Shuffling The Deck

John Key’s plan to transform the economy by reorganising a few government departments into one super-bureaucracy leaves me imagining a street magician offering card tricks to a gathering crowd of onlookers. “Watch as I dazzle you with my amazing tricks!” he says, shuffling the deck. Two hours later he’s still shuffling the cards, the crowds…

Closing The Incompetence Gap

Reserve Bank Governor Alan Bollard has said that the income gap between New Zealand and Australia may not be as wide as first thought. But there are concerns that the incompetence gap between the two countries may be widening. Unlike the income gap, levels of arrogant ignorant shortsighted stupidity within government have traditionally fluctuated, making it difficult…