Biblical authorities confirmed yesterday that they would consider re-examining some of the evidence in the Jesus murder case, after a plea from the father of the victim. Last week the New Zealand Herald published an interview with God, the father of Jesus. “I just want answers,” said God. “Not a day goes by when I…
While tens of thousands turned up in Christchurch today for the earthquake relief concert Band Together, another concert dedicated to Christchurch was taking place further north. Thousands gathered in the Auckland Domain this evening for the “Let’s Burn Christchurch” free concert. Concert-goers ranged from the elderly to young families. Police estimated that at least 70,000…
Uncompromising left-wing columnist Bob Mittsky busts some myths about what is really behind the Hobbit dispute And so the powers of evil and darkness gather around that notorious union-buster Sir Peter “Sauron” Jackson. It’s fitting that a filmmaker adept at bringing to the screen Tolkien’s tales should find himself engaged in a struggle with the…
No doubt you’re gearing up for the big day. I hope you have your costume ready. World Statistics Day is marked tomorrow, highlighting the importance of Statistics New Zealand’s data gathering and analysis, Statistics Minister Maurice Williamson says. I look forward to donning my celebratory robes and joining in the festivities. Tonight in celebration of…
A short message from Bill English To those among you experiencing doubts about the competence of this government in light of what appears to be a sequence of negative statistics, let me assure you that all is well. The statistics show that we are on track! This guide should help you to better interpret all…
Justice Minister Simon Power has asked the Law Commission to investigate all the shit that annoys him. The Minister made the announcement after reading this morning’s Dominion Post. “There’s a whole pile of legal shit happening, and most of it I don’t understand,” said Mr Power. “But some of it really pisses me off.” The…
Rodney Hide has claimed that a proposed change to the Marine and Coastal Area (Takutai Moana) Bill to prevent Maori from charging for beach access is a “win” for ACT. “I’ve never seen a new MP achieve a major policy win on behalf of all New Zealanders on their first day. It’s a stunning achievement…
Wellington mayor Kerry Prendergast has lashed out at the voting system that saw her lose the Wellington mayoralty to Celia Wade-Brown. “It’s outrageous that the will of the majority of right-leaning voters has been disregarded,” said Prendergast. She has called on the Government to look at reforming the way local election voting occurs. Political expert…
Chris Carter promised last night that he would dish the dirt on Labour if they kicked him out of the party. We don’t have to wait for Carter to release the dirt. I have it. Someone close to Carter has leaked the explosive material to me. You won’t believe your eyes, so sit down and…
TV host Herman Pond has this morning apologised for comparing Jews to animals and for praising Adolf Hitler. Pond found himself mired in controversy after making his comments on air during an interview with the Prime Minister yesterday. Pond apologised yesterday for causing offence to “the race that killed Christ”. And this morning he began the…
Imperator Fish 
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