Election Day Post #1
It’s incredible the things you can do with needlework.
Turning Off
Unfortunately I have to close off blog comments before midnight tonight, due to our absurd and outdated electoral laws. I have set my blog so that all comments posted will go to moderation, and I will then release them after 7:00 pm tomorrow. I have done this now, as I am out late tonight, and…
A Warning And A Simple Plea
The Herald’s John Armstrong asks, should we prepare for the zombie apocalypse? Armstrong is referring to the rise of Winston Peters from the dead, but what he fails to appreciate is that a much more real zombie menace is around the corner. You may scoff, but I am convinced that all the signs are pointing…
Request For Urgent Assistance
Greetings to you! Allow me introduce myself to you. My name is Hon Steven Joyce, and I am top official National Party. The leader of party, His Excellency Right Honourable John Key came into a great deal of power three years ago after many battle with enemy forces, but due to numerous of complications and…
Crunching The Numbers: Voting Strategically On Saturday
I’ve been crunching the numbers and feeding them through some algorithms, all in an effort to help people work out how they should vote if they want a Labour-led government. With MMP each voter gets two votes, and there are lots of tactical voting decisions to make. How you cast your vote will have a…
Why Labour Will Win
Sometimes I’m asked why I support the Labour Party. People assume that because I’m a highly-paid professional I ought to be supporting the party that offers me the biggest tax cuts and, well, screw the rest of the country. I tell people I support Labour because there’s more to life than personal financial enrichment, and…
Trying Hard To Lose
National Party candidate for Epsom Paul Goldsmith last night told a business gathering in Newmarket that he was once a mercenary for former Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi. The revelation came after a television news poll showed Mr Goldsmith is well in front of ACT’s John Banks in the race for Epsom electorate. Prime Minister John…
Shame On John Key For… Something
Amelia Wade of the Herald reports: Already under pressure because of the “teapot tape”, John Key may have added to his legal woes with a signature. Yesterday, the grinning Prime Minister walked in Phil Goff and Helen Clark’s shoes and autographed a banknote – technically breaking the law. It is illegal for a person to…
Officials Fear Vote-Splitting Contagion
Electoral officials have confirmed that they have been stockpiling hundreds of plastic buckets, first aid kits and bottles of hand sanitiser in preparation for next Saturday’s general election. Officials are concerned about the threat to public health in the event of a mass outbreak of tactical voting, and have been drawing up contingency plans to…
Point Taken
Labour leader Phil Goff today launched a scathing attack on the National Party’s management of the country, after National yesterday released a 120 point economic plan. In contrast to National’s plan, Labour plan for jobs growth comprises a mere six points. Speaking to a rally of supporters in his Mt Roskill electorate, Mr Goff accused…
Imperator Fish 
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